I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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