He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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