Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
