You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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