GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
