We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
