do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
