Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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