Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
