dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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