What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
