I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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