man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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