i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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