sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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