I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
