Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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