I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
