yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
