He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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