I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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