I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
