I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
