My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
