happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
