You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
