I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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