Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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