I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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