listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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