I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
