I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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