Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just invented taco cereal.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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