just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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