Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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