I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You left your phone here
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