You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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