Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
