Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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