Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
