Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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