I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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