So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
