and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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