I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
