I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
