Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
