You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
