He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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