By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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