You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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